I've had some great experiences (like buying a car... the first time I've had my own transportation in almost three years! Knowing I can go wherever whenever has had a HUGE impact on my autonomy).
And I've had some very difficult experiences. Not bad. Just hard. I feel like the revolutions of my world are shifting and I fear the fallout those changes may cause among family and friends.
The largest area of impact has centered on "free will," "living by one's own rules," and "undue restrictions."
It is scary to shift from living by rules that were handed to you via family, religion, culture, etc. As we live by the rules given we have a certain amount of protection. 1--We'll be accepted by those who have given and/or live by the same rules, and 2--If something goes wrong we can point at the rule giver and say, "It's their fault!"
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However, when we begin to write our own laws, we set ourselves up for rejection from the rule givers and followers, and if something goes wrong we only have ourselves to blame. We take upon ourselves true accountability. Rejection and responsibility... scary.
I know this isn't a change that will happen in a week or even a month. Determining the rules I am willing to live by will take time. And I need to remember it's fluid, non-linear process. There will be a lot of trial and error in the beginning. Like when the hubbs and I first set up a budget. We overestimated some categories and underestimated others. We overshot on spending and had to adjust things as needed. It was a process that took time and patience and forgiveness for oneself. This will be the same.
My hope for farther down this process is to have a list of laws that I love, that work for me and bring me closer to achieving my desires and to living a life I can be proud of.
Like I said, heavy stuff.
How did your week go? What did you experience as you worked with your freedom spoke this week? (Remember: It didn't have to be life altering to be valid or important!)
I really do love you guys so much! Thank you for taking this journey with me. For supporting me and allowing me to support you.
Hugs,
Deb
This week was harder than the last two. The goals are bigger, more life altering, and harder to implement. I hope next week isn't this hard. I did have a good week though. A lot of introspection and self analysis. Which is never a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree my friend and, yes, next week will be MUCH easier. It's all about FUN!!! Woot!!! A good respite from the heavy introspection.
ReplyDeleteYou know what's weird? Well, not weird, but whatever...I've been really working on the idea of "giving my best"...And thinking about my life in those terms, I've been able to not worry about comparing myself to other people, or even worry if I'm doing enough. Don't get me wrong, I still have that self-doubt thing, but there is something freeing about knowing that I did my best.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I think that I got a "reward" for it-->I found out today that I was within the top 10 (not 10%, but 10!) of SMs in my company for February. Considering that February was devoted to finishing the rough draft of WIP2, and feeling disappointed that I still have so much work to do for it, seeing that I completed 90% of WIP2 while still performing so well is very rewarding.